Beards, 'Taches and Testicles

Saturday, Nov 1, 2014

This is me:

mildly hungover morning selfie
mildly hungover morning selfie

Obviously the first thing you notice, after my devilishly handsome good looks, is that I have around the lower half of my face what has the potential to be described as, ¬†if one is kind: a ‘beard’. It is patchy, it is more than often unkempt, and it is quite ginger, but it is somewhat beard like. I can no longer remember when I grew this beard, but I like it. I like it so much that I refused to shave it off when I graduated in 2013, and again when I got married earlier this year.

However, ominous things have happened. Recently, a mate and colleague done a tweet:

“Good on Pete” I thought. Good cause. I did Movember back in 2011, and it was hard, because quite frankly with a moustache I look like a complete tit. At the time I was doing it, I think Pete and I were sharing an office, so he knows how much of a tit you can look like during Movember, yet he’s chosen to do it anyway. Well done.

Of course, you won’t catch me doing it. I have a beard now, and I won’t shave that off. Also, as I mentioned, I look like a complete tit when I grow a moustache. It was fine in 2011, I was only an RA, so I could just hide in the office and work. The only person affected was my wife, who sadly had to be seen in public with me. I’m a lecturer now. I can’t just hide in my office. I have to teach. I have to stand up in front of students. I can’t do that looking like a person who belongs on some sort of list.

Then Vince Knight joined Pete’s team:

“Well done Vince” I thought. Good cause. At least Pete won’t look so daft walking around campus with a ‘tache now. There’ll be two of you at least. Not me of course. No way.

Then Pete done another tweet:

Oh.

Pete’s called me out. He wants me to join in. Maybe we’ll just all ignore him and it’ll go away.

Then I done a tweet:

WTF? What did I just do? Did I agree to do Movember again? Why? I have no idea. Perhaps I enjoy looking like a tit?

So. I joined. As did many others that Pete called out. And now we’re all going to¬†grow¬†moustaches and demand money from our friends, relatives and colleagues. It’s a good cause. You can donate to us, our team page is here.

First though, there’s business to take care of. The beard had to go. I had to locate my shaving equipment, which has not been used in many years, and attempt to remove the lovely facial hair to which I have become so attached, without slicing my face apart in the process:

WHAT HAVE I DONE?
WHAT HAVE I DONE?

So that’s it. The beard is off and I am clean-shaven for the first time in I don’t know how long. This, I think, is quite the sacrifice. But there is more to come. The ‘tache is on its way - slowly working its way out of my upper lip. I am going to look terrible. If you in any way feel inclined, please make it worth it. Donate to me or the team. Don’t let my beard have fallen in vain. ¬†After all (I came up with this last night while very drunk and I LOVE IT):¬†¬†beards grow back. Balls don’t.